DFP 31 | How To Make Love To A Woman

How To Make Love To A Woman AND Be The Best Lover She’s Ever Had: Make Love To A GODDESS

DFP 31 | How To Make Love To A Woman


Modern men face a lot of challenges that are very different from our ancestors, our parents and their parents, and everyone as far back. Especially with the #MeToo Movement, there’s been a lot of not knowing how to show up, how to connect, and how to move forward as a masculine presence in this world and what the best way to connect with a woman is. Join the conversation and learn how to make love to a woman, not only make love to a woman but truly be the best lover she has ever had.

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How To Make Love To A Woman AND Be The Best Lover She’s Ever Had: Make Love To A GODDESS

I’m sitting here in Arambol, India. This is a place that is of its own unique kind. I came here for the first time a few years ago and then I came back the year after. There’s something about this place that has this magic of unlike any place I’ve ever been. I just got back from the beach. Here I am in my house sitting here with the twinkly lights all around me. There’s this beautiful glow of light along with some candles around. The reason why I felt inspired to share that with you and the atmosphere is because atmosphere is going to be one of our major topics in our conversation on how to make love to a woman. Not only making love to a woman but truly be the best lover she has ever had. I hesitated for a while on making this podcast, but I realized that there was a necessary need because many of you know that I work with men and more women have actually been coming to me. It’s interesting how it flip-flops. I’ve had this beautiful privilege over the last eight months of tuning in and working with men. Listening to men, hearing what is coming up for them, what their challenges are, what they are suppressing and what it’s like to be a man.

The Challenges Modern Men Face

I feel as though modern men face a lot of challenges that are very different from our ancestors, our parents, and their parents, and everyone as far back. Especially with the #MeToo Movement, there’s been a lot of not knowing how to show up, not knowing how to connect, not knowing how to move forward as a masculine presence in this world and what the best way to connect with a woman is. Most of the men that I speak to, they could probably agree that who doesn’t want to be the best lover she’s ever had. I’ve held many Sister Circles and I have a beautiful community of sisters and I’ve always loved talking about sex. It’s very interesting and it’s so taboo and we hardly ever do it. That’s one of the reasons why this energy truly is one of the most powerful energies we have as humans. The reason why it’s so misunderstood and misrepresented is that we don’t talk about it. Let’s be honest, where did we learn about sex? There’s generally one of three sources.

You learned from porn, which is a large majority of people. I had Mark Queppet on the show and we talked about the damage that porn can do in our society. You also learned from your middle school PE class. That’s a laugh in and of itself. You pretty much just learned about genitalia and about using condoms and where babies come from, which hopefully at that point you’ve understood. Then you learned from your friends. You learn from trial and error. You’re thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, however old and you’re trying to figure it out. You have this thing and you have that thing and somehow they go together, “Let’s try it out. I have these energies that are moving to me, that are primal, that are telling me that this needs to go in there or down.” Unfortunately, I’ve worked with a lot of women who have had some sexual abuse and men too.

Happier women create happier men. Click To Tweet

Men too have come to me with this, but women are a lot more vocal about it and they’ve talked about some sexual abuse. It doesn’t have to be rape and it doesn’t even have to be touching, but even being exposed or grinded on or humped when you’re a little kid, when you’re a little girl or even a little boy and you don’t know the difference. Boys aren’t taught that this is this crazy primal sexual energy and it contains all kinds of emotions. Oftentimes we separate the two, sex and emotions. That is one of our biggest faults. It’s funny because as I’m starting to talk about this topic and I’m realizing how many avenues that I can go on. I do encourage your questions and your comments and you can even leave them in the reviews and/or always feel free to personally message me through my website. If you have questions about these types of topics, you’re not alone. I would love to create more content around these types of topics so that you can feel as though this is a resource for you to grow and expand.

The Way We Learned Sex

Going back to the way that we learn sex. You’re lucky if you have an older brother or sister that can help you out a little bit but regardless, we don’t know. We don’t understand. We don’t learn how to have sex other than by trial and error or these three pretty poor resources. It’s no wonder that so many women come to me and share that they haven’t had very good sexual experiences. It is no wonder that when you look at the statistics, only about 30% of woman share that they orgasm during intercourse. I was listening to an astrologer over a report and he made a good point and he said 30% of women are having orgasms during intercourse. Can you imagine what that would be if that number was doubled or even tripled? It’s this understanding that if more women were having more orgasms and enjoying more sex, they would want to have sex more. They would be happier and if more women are wanting to have sex more, chances are the men are going to be happy.

DFP 31 | How To Make Love To A Woman
How To Make Love To A Woman: In order to truly be the best lover a woman’s ever had requires a large amount of self-work, self-discovery, and self-acceptance.


Also, chances are you’re going to have happier men because happier women create happier men. Also too, please know that I’m not necessarily only meaning female and male embodied individuals. I can definitely interrelate these terms as more masculine or more feminine. 30% of women are having orgasms during intercourse, which is absolutely a shame. It’s so unfortunate and it speaks volumes about our lack of understanding of how to connect with a woman. How to truly meet a woman, meet her in her soft, juicy openness. An openness that is ready to receive you and all your dignity and all your manliness. This is so incredibly important when we’re starting to deepen our connection with sexual energy and truly it goes far beyond sexual energy. It’s the masculine and the feminine and the roles that they play because sex is truly our closest source of a union that we could ever have.

It is literally what creates life. When we begin to understand this power that this act of union between masculine and feminine is what creates life, instead of it just being something that we do to procreate. Because we’re supposed to pop out babies because that’s what we do to continue to survive. When we start to think of it as this sacred act that is the most divine acts of all, I believe that we can begin to truly reconnect the masculine and feminine both within ourselves as well as with each other. I feel so many people truly want relationships. They want these beautiful, amazing, expansive relationships that grow and nourish them, and yet a lot of people are struggling to find that. That is oftentimes because of our connection to the masculine and feminine both within ourselves. If we don’t have this true connection between masculine and feminine within ourselves, this relationship which has been so distorted by our cultures and our religions, and our society, how are we going to be able to understand and communicate with the other?

How To Make Love To A Woman

This episode is about how to make love to a woman. I’ll be honest, in order to truly be the best lover she’s ever had, that requires a large amount of self-work and self-discovery and self-acceptance. I believe that I’m not alone when I say this, that there is nothing sexier than a man who is grounded in his masculine presence, who is confident, who knows what he wants. Now, we live in a society where we have made an expression of the feminine, which are our emotions and our feelings, shameful for men to connect to because there’s been this underlying shame around expressing your emotions as a man that it makes you less masculine. We have denied our men an ability to truly love themselves, to truly accept all aspects and all parts of themselves because we have taught them as boys. That big boys don’t cry. That you need to toughen up and put on your big boy pants and get back out there.

Worship her as if she was a goddess because she is. Click To Tweet

I feel that this is one of the biggest pains and the biggest disservice that we could have done to our boys and how to teach them to become men. This is a big part of why this #MeToo Movement is coming up and this is a big part of why I talk about from #MeToo to #WeToo. How we can begin to heal the masculine and feminine. If you haven’t yet checked out that blog article, it’s a good one. It will help you connect to this deeper work which is surrounding how to make love to a woman. First of all, the number one step is to begin to love yourself. I have another blog that I’ve written which is probably my most popular blog, which is True Tantra Starts with Self. I talked about self-love and how to make love to yourself and these are important parts in your path.

Step One: Make Love To Your Self

If you want to make love to another in any way, shape, or form, whether we’re talking about sex or not, how can you truly make love to another when you have not yet made love to yourself? I’m not talking about masturbation. There’s a very big difference between making love to yourself and masturbating. I invite you to check out that article. The first step in being the best lover she’s ever had is begin to make love to yourself. What happens when you start to make love to yourself in all these different ways? Truly beginning to love yourself from the inside out, is that you grow a sense of confidence, that you grow a sense of self-connectedness.

DFP 31 | How To Make Love To A Woman
How To Make Love To A Woman: Courting is so incredibly powerful when it comes to playing in relationships and in great sex because it’s this dance of masculine and feminine energy.


This self-connectedness is felt. It is tangible. A man who is embodied in his physical body is incredibly sexy and no, it doesn’t mean you have to have a six pack and be ripped. That’s another big misconception. On the trend, many men who take care of their physical bodies, not all by any means, but many men who take care of their physical bodies, who care about their physical bodies generally have more of a connection to themselves, at least to their physical being. They’re more connected because they’re aware of what they’re putting into their body and how they’re moving their body, which is going to transmit an energy and we can all feel that. There have been plenty of men who have come into my vortex who looked physically like Greek gods, and energetically I could definitely tell that that was truly a facade for the lack of connection they were feeling to themselves.

Learn to make love to yourself. This is important on an emotional level and on energetic level because women are energetic beings. We are all energetic beings, but women are intuitive. The feminine is about feeling and it’s about emotion and fluidity. A man who is in touch with that part of him doesn’t mean he’s super soft or cries all the time or whatever but he’s okay with his emotions, with connecting to them, with expressing them, with communicating them. That is going to make you an amazing lover. The first step is to make love to yourself. Learn how to make love to yourself and this does not mean masturbation. Learn how to practice self-love and self-acceptance in all parts of you because that shows up in your physical and energetic form.

There's nothing sexier than a man who is confident, grounded, strong, and in his presence. Click To Tweet

Step Two: Connect To The Feminine Within Yourself

The second thing would be connecting to the feminine within yourself. It will give you the ability to connect to the feminine within the woman. If you spent your whole life denying the feminine within you, not being able to connect to your feelings and your emotions. I will tell you something. In order to be a good lever to a woman, being honest and open and connecting to your feelings and your emotions and your own, it doesn’t have to be with her. It can be in your own space and it should be in your own space because we need to make sure our emotions don’t overcome us. If they have been repressed for so long, which for many men it has been, it ends up coming out in overly emotional or overly angry or frustrated or whatever. It’s important that you’re doing this inner work.

This will help you be a better lover for a woman. It doesn’t sound like what you probably were expecting me to say, but this is absolute truth. I promise if you can do these things, you will be one of the best lovers she’s ever had. The second part then is understanding that when you understand your own inner feminine and you connect to the inner feminine within you, you begin to know that things aren’t all about the goal. It’s not about getting there. If there’s one thing that you walk away with from this episode, please note that it is not about getting there. There should not be a goal in sex. The goal is not to ejaculate or even to come. I’ll tell you, a woman can have an amazing, statically, blissful sexual experience and not orgasm.

It could be the best sex she’s ever had, but why? It’s because you were tuned into every moment. Making every moment as juicy as you can because you’re not trying to get anywhere. You’re not trying to get her off. You’re not trying to get yourself off. You’re not in your head about and this is hard because it’s hard not to be in your head sometimes in sex. You are 100% in touch with the feeling and the sensation of every moment. Ask any woman, she needs to be warmed up, which is why I began this episode talking about the lighting and the mood. Literally, sex does not begin for a woman the moment you get into the room or the moment you kiss her. This play begins for a woman the moment you guys first create eye contact. She will know. She is so intuitive. She will know what your energy is.

A woman who is truly an embodied woman, this is not every woman and a lot of us are still sleeping and disconnected and are still trying to party and have drunk sex. I’m not talking about drunk sex. Drunk sex is some of the worst sex because when you drink alcohol, you literally numb yourself. Yes, it can be fun and it can be raunchy and it can be wild. There’s a time and a place, but the way that I talk about sex is always in a sacred manner. It is always to the depth of experience and not just a one-night stand. If you’re wanting a one-night stand, this is probably not the show for you.

There is no better place to truly begin to connect to that divinity than in the bedroom. Click To Tweet

Truly, a woman is so intuitive and she’s watching you, she’s watching how you look at her. She’s watching how you engage with her, how you listen to her, how you observe her and how you witness her. All of these things are so incredibly important when you are wanting to make love with a woman from the very beginning. This is why courting is so incredibly powerful when it comes to even playing in relationships and also in great sex is because it’s this dance of masculine and feminine energy. This give and this pull. Many people think that Tantra is sex and it is not. It is so far beyond that. It is so much more than that. It is this dance of the masculine and feminine. The give and the pull and the coming together in one and a form of union which is continuous in it. It moves from the very beginning when you first start connecting and showing your interest with a woman.

Being aware of this when we’re talking about making love to her, setting the atmosphere with everything, not just with lighting but with music. If you’re going to take her out to dinner or even just start messaging her with beautiful sweet things, she takes time to warm up. Even the female genitalia takes time to warm up. Men, if you are playing with her and she is not wet, regardless of what she says, she is not fully in it. There are the very few circumstances where women have a harder time producing these fluids, but I promise you a lot of that has to do with past sexual trauma because the body is incredibly smart. The other part is that she’s not maybe feeling it fully or that it’s not fully there. There’s something inside of her, whether she’s aware of it or not. That’s not fully there. Men, this is your first clue. Spend your time warming her up and don’t even touch her beautiful Yoni for a while. Touch every part of her body with your breath, with your lips, with your hands. Worship her as if she was a goddess because she is.

Step Three: Worship Her As If She Was A Goddess

This will have to be number three. Not only getting the environment right and the atmosphere right from the very beginning. Before you even go out on the first date, it begins, the look. The third thing is to worship her as if she was a goddess because she is. She absolutely is. She is divine. The fact that any woman would even allow you to enter her temple, the very sacred place that brings life into this world. That, gentlemen, is a gift and it should be honored, respected and most importantly worshiped. If you want to be the best lover she’s ever had, worship her like a goddess.

Step Four: Your Presence

The fourth thing that I would have to say is probably honestly, one of the most important things is your presence. That’s going to have to do with worshiping her like a goddess. Give her the one thing that she is begging for. The one thing that she would literally just swoon over is your presence, your undivided presence in each moment. Everything you do, you do with the utmost intention and awareness and you are reading her body. You are listening to her body. You are so not in it for your own pleasure and believe me, if you are in it 100% for her pleasure, you will get pleasure. It will be some of the most amazing pleasure than you could ever have if you were pleasuring yourself or thinking about, “When am I going to get my orgasm?”

I hope that as you all continue to follow me, you realize that the orgasm is just such a small fraction of what’s possible in sacred intimacy. Let it be about her. Let it be about your presence with her. Tune into her body. Use all different types of sensations of how to connect with her, your fingers, and touch, every part of her body. Be present with her. That is the greatest gift you could ever give a woman. That is what she truly wants. If you get nothing else other than this podcast also then, if you get one thing, take something obviously, but she wants your presence. There’s nothing sexier than a man who is confident and grounded and strong, but one who is in his presence. You could not be confident, you could be totally shitting yourself because you’re nervous and this is the most beautiful girl you’ve ever been with. There’s all this pressure around sex, which I hear you.

I’ve worked with enough of you to know what you’re going through and I would love to help support you in that as well. Being present takes away all insecurity. Being present takes away all fear because if you are feeling insecure, you’re thinking about the future. You’re thinking, “Am I not good enough? Am I not doing this enough?” If you are fully present, you are in it. You are feeling it. You are a part of it. You are co-creating it. You will know if she’s into it or if she’s not into it. You will know by your sheer divine presence. That is the greatest gift you could ever give anyone, but especially a woman in bed.

DFP 31 | How To Make Love To A Woman
How To Make Love To A Woman: Make every moment filled with your presence and that will be the best gift that you could ever possibly give her.


This is a great beginning to how to make love to a woman. Some of you may be thinking, “You didn’t tell me the tips. You didn’t tell me the techniques. You didn’t tell me how to lick her clit or to pleasure her pussy. You didn’t say these things.” I didn’t because I truly believe that I could talk about these things and you could go watch porn for some of these things if you wanted to. I invite you to watch Tantric porn if you’re going to watch anything of that nature. Truly, I don’t believe that it’s the technique that matters but rather everything that creates the atmosphere to which the lovemaking will happen. It is the intention. It is these pieces of the puzzle that men don’t think about. Men, you guys have a very different way of using your brain. It’s very different. You’re wired differently. It’s conquest, it’s the goal, it’s action-driven. It’s, “Beginning, middle, end. I’m done.” That’s not the way a woman works. If you want to be the best lover she’s ever had, you have to learn and understand the woman, which means you have to embrace your own feminine energy within. You have to get in touch with it. You have to learn how to connect with it. If you can do that, gentlemen, if you can do these steps, if you can begin these steps, look at some of the Tantric blogs that I’ve read, you will begin to be the best lover she’s ever had.

I’m thinking about even creating a course where I can dive a lot deeper into some of these things and I know there are probably a lot of questions, but I feel that this is a very good beginning. You guys are my community. I love hearing from you. I love it when you ask questions on Ask Amanda. I love it when you write to me and share with me. I love it when you review because more people are able to see it then. Write to me. Reach out to me. I am here in service for the divine masculine and the divine feminine and all those terms mean is that we are connected to our highest and best selves. There is no better place to truly begin to connect to that divinity than in the bedroom. I hope that this was helpful. In the beginning, it may seem abstract and that is exactly the way of the woman who is not linear. There should be no goals or objectives when you are trying to sleep with a woman. Get out of the idea of ejaculation. That will be an amazing tip. Stick it out of the way of ejaculation. Make every moment orgasmic. Make every moment filled with your presence and that will be the best gift that you could ever possibly give her.

Thank you so much for tuning into this episode. I look forward to sharing more of this with you. I had been studying Tantra now for the past three years. I’m continuing to learn more both in my own self and my own practices and classes and workshops and festivals. For my clients who share with me and my friends who share with me and in the Men’s Circles and in the Women’s Circles, this is truly just the beginning of a beautiful and magical ride that we can all take together to reconnect ourselves to our sacred sexuality. I hope that you write in and you share with me your thoughts, ideas, opinions, questions and truths. Thank you so much. From the heart of Arambol, I will see you in the next episode.

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  1. Kunal

    Hey Amanda,

    I could connect with most part of your post.

    I am a firm believer of the fact that strong men cry. Sharing your emotion is not weakness rather it helps you connect with you inner self.

    I am bold enough to share what I feel. And that’s the reason when I make love, I really connect with my partner, I feel the moment, and like you said rather than thinking of the end result (ejaculation), I live every moment and make it worthwhile. Thanks for sharing this.

    1. Hey Kunal thanks for being so open and honest and choosing to take the time to write in and share your thoughts. It’s truly beautiful to hear your reflections. I JUST posted a new podcast titled “Men- it’s your presence not your performance that matters most in bed.”

      You can listen to it here: https://www.podetize.com/drivenforpurpose/feed/

      I’d be curious to hear your reflections <3

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