How To Communicate With Women: Powerful Tools For Communication Between Men And Women
Men and women have been confined within their own stereotypical spaces that often lead them to have bad communication with each other. That is why it is time to create a safe space that opens up the boundaries we create for ourselves as well as what the world creates for us, and start exploring the wonderful energy that could grow from us. Amanda shares some of the powerful tools for communication between men and women as she helps us explore and break free from our limiting beliefs. She taps into the things that hold both men and women back and shows ways to break free from them.
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How To Communicate With Women: Powerful Tools For Communication Between Men And Women
This is going to be a very powerful topic, which I feel has brought me so much clarity. For those of you who responded to my Facebook story, who were able to watch and hear some of what happened in my experience and for all those men who wrote to me and shared what was coming up for them, I had way more responses than I could have ever even imagined. Many beautiful men came out and shared their truth around why they feel as though some men react this way. They share everything from why they feel, what their challenges are, what challenges are as men in society as well as how they felt I responded and their response to how they felt I handled the situation. I've got a lot of amazing insight. One of the things that I am so incredibly grateful for is that this topic created this space for a lot of men to feel as though they could be safe in expressing their truth with me and expressing what has come up for them when they heard my story.
One of the challenges that I feel as though has been harder for me working with men is creating this safe space for men to truly be honest, be open, be humble and be vulnerable with why they feel as though these triggers come up. I want to recap what happened to me. I was walking down the street and a man had approached me, a friendly conversation, “How are you? Where you from?” He ended up asking me if I wanted to get tea. I'm a super open person and I love connecting with people. It doesn't matter what gender. I'm happy to get tea. As a woman, it's oftentimes that I'm going into a situation with a man where it's simply platonic or simply friendly and this man or many men end up having maybe some other intentions that they would love to have fed as well. There is nothing wrong with that. Let me start by saying that. We are all animalistic in our nature. We are attracted to the opposite sex. It's beautiful and it's divine. I'm grateful for that connection because it's beautiful. Both men and women, we have our hearts closed so often because we don't want to get hurt or we don't want to get misunderstood or we have been hurt in the past. It creates these walls and conditioning. It creates oftentimes a lack of authentic communication.
What ended up happening was I said, “Yes, sure. I'm happy to grab some tea.” I gave him my number. When he reached out to me later and he was like, “Would you like to grab tea or dinner?” I said, “Yes, I'm very open to grabbing tea and even possibly dinner, but I want to be super open with you and let you know where I am. I'm available for a deeper connection. I'm available to get to know you, but what I'm not available for is anything romantically or sexually.” In my sharing of this, his response was, it was like, “Thanks for being frank. I'm on business and if I ended up connecting with a woman romantically, I could get fired. I'm not that cheap. I'm not sure how an offer to go have tea or to have dinner turned into a sexual advance.” For me, I consider myself to be genuinely a pretty good communicator. By no means was I accusing anyone of having any
Back to my story, he responded in that way and I personally felt maybe I did something wrong. I didn't feel that way, but maybe there was a better way I could communicate to the masculine. In my story I shared out, I said, “Here's what happened. Men, I want to know what you think.” Here I am. This is a conversation for both men and women. My biggest work in the world is to help the masculine and the feminine inside of ourselves begin to come back together as one and therefore our relationships get better. We begin to understand one another because let's be honest. If we're in a relationship and we're communicating in this relationship or we'rein this romantic partnership, oftentimes you ask someone what their biggest challenges is. They're going to say communication. We fight because we don't understand one another. My biggest work in the world is to help to bring unison back to the masculine and feminine.We have our hearts so closed so often because we don’t want to get hurt. Click To Tweet
Here's what I want to share, which is some of what came up to me from all the men who answered. Thank you so much for all of you who chose to open up your hearts and your souls and be vulnerable. It was a beautiful space that was created for many men to be honest and open about what their challenges are, about being a man in this world, with a lot of the confusion and a lot of the abuse. People talked about the #MeToo Movement, which is something that I speak a lot on. Most people, most of the men said, “You did the right thing. By being open, vulnerable, honest and transparent in the very beginning helps men to better understand where you're at and it doesn't waste anybody's time. If a man gets defensive, that's on himself,” which is truthfully how I felt. Men oftentimes when sexual abuse happens or when a man responds in a way, women take the blame. We feel like, “What did I do? It must have been my fault. I didn't want to upset them.” Even in sexual assault cases, what I'm finding a lot of the women who are coming to me having had sexual trauma, they believe that it's their fault. This is one of the biggest challenges that underlie the repression of the feminine. It's like, “It's your fault.” The story that underlines both masculine and feminine is not enough.
For most of the men who wrote to me, they said, “You did a great job.” They began to talk about, “Here is how I could've maybe continued to relate to the masculine and hold the masculine.” First, many men acknowledged and shared that the male ego is very fragile. They're so vulnerable because men are being asked to continuously put themselves out there and there's always a fear of being rejected. Any time that a man is rejected, it diminishes his sense of self. It creates this blockage and it's painful. Some of the words that men use were they have to continuously be vulnerable, but yet also in their vulnerability, they need to continue to hold strength because showing emotions, we're culturally conditioned that men shouldn't show their emotions. Therefore, it stops the flow of communication. What I think is powerful for all the men watching and for all the men who can relate to this is continuously having to put themselves out there and exposing themselves, it's very vulnerable. For a woman to say, “Thanks, I'm not interested.” Let's be honest, male or female, if you get rejected, it's hard. It's not easy. It's not comfortable. Here's where the awakened person, the awakened being, begins to take responsibility. It's not about you. Don't ever make a situation about you. It's about the individual. It's about your own journey.
Don’t Take Things Personally
If someone rejects you, rule number one of The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz, which you brought into this conversation. It's a great book that anybody should read if you have not yet read it, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. One of the first agreements is don't take things personally. It'snot about you. This situation with me and this man and any man, it's like, “I know where I'm at. It's not that you're not smart enough, that you're not cute enough.I'm just not there.” It's incredibly powerful for me to know where I am and for any individual to know where they are so that they can truly begin to stand in their truth. That way these lines, blurry lines and games don't get played. For any person who feels as though rejection is the reason why the male ego is soft and vulnerable, don't take it personally. If that woman is not interested in any way, shape or form, trust in the ultimate divine universe that there's a better someone out there for you. For both men and women, be thankful that you're getting this awareness before you go down a road and realize that it was never supposed to be the relationship for you anyways.
My question to everyone is what if we showed up more authentically? What if we chose to communicate our truth in whatever way that it needed to be communicated so that we could all understand one another? There were no blurry lines and games being played. We could all feel safer. We could feel safer in expressing our vulnerability. We could feel safer in allowing ourselves to be heard. We could feel safer in allowing ourselves to be open and to be connected to and coming from a place of love. This is something for both men and women. I invite you to think about how has your communication been. Here's something for the women. As a woman, I know that sometimes we cannot always be as clear. It comes from cultural conditioning as well.
For so long that for all of us, men and women, the feminine has been repressed because it's been like, “Don't show your emotions, don't show your feelings. You're being too much of a girl. Toughen up.” We feel guilty or we feel bad if we're having feelings that are not good feelings because only people want to enjoy the good. If you have feelings that are lower vibrational, then they're not supposed to be talked about or expressed. For the woman, the person who is embodied in a woman's body, it's more acceptable. For everyone and for men, it's definitely pushed down, which is where one of our biggest struggles between masculine and feminine, male and female, comes. It’s because we’re repressing an aspect of ourselves that is so incredibly important for our ability to accept all parts of ourselves. My question to you, are you being 100% authentic with how you feel? Oftentimes, many clients come to me and they're like, “I'm not even sure exactly how I feel,” or “I'm not even exactly sure of what I want.” It's important to spend time with yourself and create space to tap into your feelings and what you want. As women, and this is what I get from a lot of men, women aren't clear. For instance, you're fighting with your partner. The woman is like, “I'm okay.” The man is like, “Are you sure you're okay? Is everything okay?” She's like, “No, I'm fine. I'm fine.” She's not fine.Don’t ever make any situation about you; it’s about the individual. Click To Tweet
This creates a confusion for men because it's like, “If you're going to tell me you're not fine or you're fine, then I'm going to believe you. If you're not fine and you're telling me you'refine and you're wanting me to like dive deeper and be like, ‘Honey, are you sure? It doesn't feel like you're fine.’ That's playing a game.” That's confusing because men and women are biologically different. We need different things. We have different ways of communicating. I've talked a lot about masculine and feminine energies. Masculine is direct, structured, focused, driven and penetrative. As women, if we want to better connect with our men or to the masculine energy, being clear, open and communicative if something is wrong, tell a man that something is wrong. His natural instinct is to fix it. If we as women want the thing to be fixed, which oftentimes we do, let's be honest and open like, “This is how I'm feeling and this is what I would like you to help me so that I can overcome this.” Let's be more communicative and authentic. This is what came up a lot for me and hearing these responses. I want to go back to the men. Some of the other responses that I got from men on this topic was the need to perform and the need to achieve has been so culturally ingrained in our society that this sometimes creates a conflict for men because it's like this desire to conquest or, “I need to perform. I need to achieve.” This can sometimes be why when a man is rejected, it can be very hurtful for the male ego.
The male ego can be fragile. We're taught to be stoic. It's not okay to discuss and talk about feelings. This creates a challenge when communicating with perceived rejection. I want to go back to the fact that this is perceived rejection. It is incredibly important for every single person, male or female, to take responsibility in the way that you feel. This goes for men, women and anywhere in between. It’s realizing that your self-worth is not dependent upon how much money you make, upon if the other person is interested and you or not, upon anything external. When you are not as connected to yourself and you are projecting, which is what we're taught to do in our society, so there is no blame, no fault, let's have compassion for ourselves and the cultural conditioning that has happened. When you are putting all of your energy into things outside to confirm and reaffirm your own sense of self-worth that is a dangerous role. No one will ever be able to fulfill you as much as you can fulfill yourself. We all could truly benefit by taking more responsibility for how we feel, how we show up in the world and how we show up for one another.
This is why I believe some of the most important work that anyone could ever be done. It's not what you do in your job that matters most, but rather how you show up for yourself because if your sense of self-worth is strong, then it doesn't matter what happens around you. You are connected to the inner strength that resides within you. This is truly what the modern warrior archetype, which I keep talking about for both men and women, is all about. It's about connecting to yourself, finding your center and feeling the power that lies within. Another thing that men had shared with me was men have a hard time understanding the types of roles they can play with women. For so often in our society, we have been conditioned that connection between male and female is oftentimes in a romantic connection. There are a variety of different ways. Let's talk about religion for a second. Religion has repressed sex and has created a lot of binds around how we can interact with one another. If this is resonating, I would love it if you share this out, share this out to your friends, share this out to the community because this is going to help us all. Helping to connect the masculine and feminine and our own connection to ourselves will all help us better understand one another and cultivate the true deep connection that we all desire. I truly do appreciate your shares if you can share it out.
Coming back to this idea of the roles that men and women are able to play in relating to one another for so long has been repressed by our society, especially by religion. I see a lot of living in India. There have been a lot of repressions around sex here. I was at a Tantra festival a couple of weeks ago and you could clearly see the difference between the ways that the westerners were able to react and connect with one another in a sexual manner. It felt a lot safer than sometimes the way that the locals because they haven't even been allowed to even touch a woman or see a woman naked. This is important to understand that we as a collective can benefit by beginning to explore the ways that we can support one another and hold one another and share space with one another. That it doesn't have to be sexually between man and woman. There can even be a sexual interest on one side and the other person can hold this space for the person to feel and to dissect their own sexual interests and realize that it's not a two-way street and being okay with being uncomfortable in that space. Being uncomfortable in the space of, “Maybe I desire you and you don't desire me and that's okay.” It's not necessarily a rejection. Take your ego out of it.
There's something else that this relationship can cultivate. It’s something beyond what my mind can perceive. It’s something beyond what I've been culturally conditioned to understand as possible. Some of my greatest relationships have been with the opposite sex in a non-sexual way, which is why I believe that my work with the masculine, my work with men has come to me so strongly. It’s because I've been able to hold a space that is not sexual. It’s about creating sometimes a motherly vibe, sometimes a warrior vibe, sometimes whatever. This is important. As men and women, it's important to begin to take a step back and see, what are all the ways in which I can connect to the other person? What are a
Understanding the roles that we can have, creating clear boundaries. Let's be honest around how we can show up and create boundaries. This is super open and honest and vulnerable here. For some men, if approached in the right way and I feel that you are connected to yourself and I feel that you are authentic. If you do just want to sleep with me, try to get to know me first a little bit at least.” If you're honest and open and you're like, “Amanda, I'm going to be open. I feel a sexual attraction here. I don't know if it's me, but it's definitely something that I'm open to exploring without an expectation.” If you could be open and honest with me, there's a chance I might say yes, but if you think as though you're going to try to make a move without inviting me, without giving me the individual, the opportunity to check in with myself and say yes or no, all the sudden I feel like you're overpowering me and you're not as authentic.
This is something that came up tome in the cafe, a woman. I didn't even talk about this whole situation. She came up to me and shared the exact same story. She said, “I feel as though I can't talk to men. I can't be open with men because I feel as though they're not going to be able to receive me or they're not going to be able to hear it.”This is super important. If you're open and honest and say, “Here's where I am and here's where I want to be. I have no attachments at all, but I want to be real,” I would feel much more safe with you knowing your intentions.” At that moment there are a couple things that could happen. Number one, I could say, “Thankyou for being open and transparent with me. Here's where I stand. I'm not looking for that right now. I don't feel that sexual connection right now,” or “I'm not ready for that,” or “To be honest, I don't think it's ever going to be there for me.” This is so important for women and for men. I invite all of you to try these out. If we want to communicate better with one another if we want to have healthier relationships if we want to expand our ability to connect, to feel heard and to be vulnerable because we all want to be vulnerable. Men and women, I've heard it right here. We have to be honest and open with ourselves.Your self-worth is not dependent upon how much money you make or how much the other person is interested in you or not. Click To Tweet
There are these games that have been played and this manipulation, whether intentional or unintentional, to try to get what we want. We don't feel safe, especially as women. Consent is sexy. There is nothing harder than a man asking permission to kiss a woman, to touch a woman, to make love to a woman because men, what you do when you ask, you create a sense of safety. You put the woman back in her power and you give her permission to listen to her authentic, yes or no. I believe that if more men created space for women to listen to their own bodies without their own agenda of what they want, but rather created that opportunity to check in to realize that if we're going to have sex, it is a co-creation.I've talked to men and women. Men and women, both sides, who have had sex and not been in their full embodied yes end up feeling like crap afterward. No one wants that. Can you create space without your own agenda to allow the divine feminine to connect to her and come from a place of core instead of a place of erogenous excitement and create true relationships and make true love and make love that is sacred again?
This is some of the biggest work that I feel I'm being called to do on the planet. It’s to help reconnect ourselves to the most sacred, most powerful act of love. Our sexual energy is some of the most powerful energy we have. Male or female or anywhere in between, we have not been taught how to connect to it. We learned from porn. We learned from our friends at young ages who don't know what they're doing. We learned how to relate in relationships to our parents. There is not enough communication and conversation
A couple of the last things, someone said, “Catering to the man's ego versus helping men understand the varying ways in which women and men can relate and connect.” There are so many workshops I feel like I can do on this subject alone. It's important because men are always putting themselves out there. They're always needing to perform. They're always putting themselves out there. It's hard, ladies. Let's give the men some appreciation for always taking initiative. For no matter how much the storm is happening for men choosing the stand in their strength even when they're feeling depressed or vulnerable or they don't know what is going on and they're afraid, they continue to stand in their strength. Let's give them some appreciation for how much we have denied the feminine inside our masculine. Let's choose to honor how hard it must be to always put one step forward even when you don't know if you can take the next step. When it comes to catering to the male ego, as this person put, it's moreor less about recognizing the challenges that mendon't talk about. This is what happens in my men circles.
I feel so blessed for all of you men who have come to my men circles and have gathered online because this is what gives me an awareness of how men are feeling and an awareness to the weight that men carry that they don't talk about because it's not okay to talk about. The pressures, the need to perform. You guys embed this is huge. In life, they need to support. They need to be strong. We asked a lot of our men. Can we soften our hearts and see them as the divine masculine and the warriors that they are and how much they do for us? Show that love and appreciation while also helping to expand their awareness of what all is possible. That's what the divine feminine does is she's expansive. She's fluid. She helps to create a bigger picture for what's possible. Women, we need to be in our divine masculine in order to do that. We need to know who we are. We need to know what we stand for. We need to be clear because men need clarity in order to act. Otherwise, there's too much confusion.
I'm using men and women and please know that this is a spectrum. It's more or less like divine masculine and the divine feminine. I've gone on a lot of topics. Check out my podcast. I have a whole podcast on divine masculine and feminine and the energies and what they are. There's a lot of education that I feel can be done around here. This is just some of my notes. There's so much more. If you guys are resonating, write me, message me, ask me questions, I'm here to serve you. I'm here to serve humanity. I'm here to help do whatever I can to reconnect and help each other understand. I can't help you unless you help me understand you and where you're at. This is what's going to be coming up for me.I've been practicing Tantra for the past years. It's not sacred sex. It's so far beyond that. I am going to start bringing workshops for masculine and for feminine and for the connection for both of them. If you have questions and if you're struggling or this is hot for you and it's awakened a life for you, write me so I can have more content to work on, so I can provide you with tools that will help you.
Here's my last point, which is good. A man said, “Men have a lot of sexual energy and haven't been taught to channel that energy in the ways that serve their highest self.” I believe that sexual energy is one of the most powerful energies we have. It is literally the energy that creates life. As
This is one of the ways that I hope to show up for you, for the women and for the men, is to help to create practices to where you can truly begin to embody your divine sexual energy. Sexual energy is creativity. It is the juice for all people. I help people find their soul's purpose in our passion and a lot of that has to do with the sexual energy, with helping to tap into your creative juices and your yeses and your nos. Helping men in this space begin to understand and cultivate and use their sexual energy for themselves instead of spilling it out and giving it away is going to not only help us as male and female and masculine and feminine, better relate to one another, but it's also going to help us all evolve to the next level of our being. Share this out on your Facebook walls, on your feeds. It's important that we all begin to help each other in this time of awakening because you were awakening. We are awakening. We're awakening to our divine potential. I’m dedicated to helping all of you in each and every single one of you who was on the path to continue on this path.
We all have so much to offer. We all have so many gifts to give one another. It's time that we start tapping into that and start releasing that and start connecting to that so that we can share and help everyone begin to elevate into the next level of their being. Thank you to all the men who wrote in.Thank you to all the women who are reading. Please write me, share thiscomment.
I'm sending you loves from India to Hawaii or wherever you are in the world. Joe said, “I like touching women's butts.” If you ask then maybe and she says yes, then that's okay. If you don't, then that's not okay because there is something as boundaries. We all need to respect our boundaries, whether they're verbal boundaries of, “This is what I'm interested in as far as getting tea and not sex or romance or sexual boundaries.” It's okay to want to touch into love. Bodies are beautiful, it's time that we stopped the guilt and stop the shame and start truly creating safe and sacred spaces where we can all begin to tap deeper into our highest and best selves. Thank you all. Thank you all who shared. Thank you all who wrote in. Thank you all for being on your path. Thank you for being a part of this community. Be sure to check out the podcast, Driven or Purpose, reconnecting mankind, where I share a lot of other topics on this type of stuff that's beyond this. Thank you all. Adios.